“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure”.
This Cross Country season has possibly been one of the most eye opening experience of my life. As the days dwindle down to Vancouver, I feel like I'm a completely new person. Back in High School or even six months ago, if you were to ask me what it takes to run these times, like any other person, I would say "run a lot of miles, eat healthy, and train hard". Though this is still very important, I believe a big part of my success as a runner this season has to be my confidence. Going into workouts or races telling myself that I belong up in the front. Simply going out there and doing it has put me to where I am now. All these miles i've put in, and hard interval sessions that never seem to end, but truly understand and knowing that I want this more then the person running next to me has given me that huge leap forward.
My confidence has really picked up this past month. Running interval workouts at Early Thomas Conely Park on crisp early fall afternoons. I can remember a particular workout that was only a couple weeks ago on October 15th. It was 4x2k at the course. Going into the workout I've been running good times and thought "Hey, I can run with Michael Owen" and that whole Mind over matter thing really worked out well for me. I stopped really considering pace, or where I was on the team I simply just ran. Once I had totally overtaken my mind, everything else came to me.
I'm starting to understand that there's more to running hard then just training hard. You must believe in yourself and over power and negative thoughts that creep into your mind. Believe is almost an understatement you must fully and truly KNOW what your doing out there. I guess you could say this is the basic layout, in my opinion, to the whole "Running Free" thing. I run my best when my head is cleared of any splits or times, and I just go out there with a hard mindset to just compete. The hardest part leading up to a race is convincing yourself you can do it and turn your over-thinking brain off. Once you've accomplished that, everything else simply falls into your hands... or your feet.
-BJW
Ive grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So Im making a deal with the devils of fame
Saying let me walk away, please
Youll be free child once you have died
From the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
Till then walk away, walk away
As we all circle around minutes before the gun goes off, we are greeted with positive thoughts, and last minute instructions. We all rise our arms into the thin crisp fall air as we yell out in unison, with a deep hardness in our voices, 1, 2, 3...BEARS! This causes a deep tingling in your bones, but not yet... you have to save it. The time will come when you must look deep into your body. Around every corner or crevice where you must reach down and find any bit of fuel to put in the oven to keep you going for miles, minutes or seconds. Those times in races where your lost within yourself, with a million questions firing through your brain. You must brush off every negative thought look down and realize what you are here to do.
Yesterday was the best race, in my opinion, that Shawnee State has ever ran. We beat number 7th Ranked Aquinas by 50pts. Had a 38 second gap from our first man to our 5th. Keegan got 3rd (24:46) Michael got 4th (24:47), Galen got 7th (24:56), Brad got 13th (25:12) and I was our 5th man and got 18th. In order to win Nationals we need to duplicate this performance and have our top 5 guys run under 30th place.
We are now 27 days from toeing the line in Vancouver, Washington and to be honest I'm terrified. I've never been involved in a race of such high importance. To know we have a good shot of becoming National Champions and to have that pressure of 5th man who makes or breaks us scares the shit out of me. I'm trying to find ways to use this as a way of motivation. These next 3 weeks I really want to focus on building up my confidence, knowing that I belong up front and I'm willing to do anything for my team to take home the title. Though these days will seem like eternity, they could possibly be the most important days of our lives.
Moment of inner freedom
when the mind is opened and the
infinite universe revealed
& the soul is left to wander
dazed & confus'd searching
here & there for teachers & friends.
This past week was my highest weekly milage every in my life (90 miles to be exact), and my legs, body, and mind could not be feeling any better! It started off with that famous 20x400 meter repeats at Earl Thomas Conely Park. I averaged 69 seconds per 400 meter. Wednesday, was a very calming spiritual trail 14 mile trail run out at Shawnee forest with Michael Owen. Friday was another workout at Earl Thomas Conely park. This time we ran 4 x 2k where I ran up front with Michael running an average of 6:10 per 2k, and what better way to end the week with a hard 15 miler at Hangover with Eric Putnam and Blake Jones.
You'd think that this being my first 90 mile week ever my legs and body would be tired, but to be honest I've never felt this good. I feel this tingling whenever I think about what I can do these next 36 days. My legs are ready for anything Putnam is going to throw at us, my body feels well rested and mind at ease. I have confidence in my training and fitness level and the great thing is every week I'm feeling so much more stronger! I wish this feeling will last forever...
We are running in Grand Rapids next saturday at the Great Lakes Challenge where the goal is to beat Aquanis and run strong. Personally I would like to run 25:30. Until then all I can do is believe.
I feel like I'm in the middle of a dream waiting for that moment to be waken up...
I don't know how I got to this point in my running, but I'm loving every second of it. I often find myself waiting for my legs to get tired, thinking any second now fatigue is going to set in, or perhaps another ankle sprain on some coarse grain gravel; But that moment never catches up with me and I'm left in awe wondering if it can get any better then this. My legs have never felt this strong, my breathing never this deep. All I can think about is "How can I keep improving"? Recently I've been questioning upping my mileage in the middle of the season. I want to sneak out in the mornings and run 5-8 miles just for the simple fact that it feels so damn good. The quest for a 100 mile week reeks upon me like a kid in a candy store. I don't know why or how I got this way, but to be honest I'm terrified not knowing of it will last or if it could be taken away any second.
I feel like it's Christmas morning, but any minute someone or something will come in and take all of the presents away. This joy that I'm feeling I will give anything to make it last. Whenever work or school leaves my blue I always fall back to my running, knowing that I am good at something, and I'm apart of something so amazing it puts a smile on my face.
This past weekend was the 56th Annual All-Ohio Cross Country Championships. We had some big goals of winning it all going into the meet, and with a total team score of 151 points for 6th place we couldn't of been happier. It was the first time beating the NAIA dominate Malone Pioneers and it still has not really hit me that we might actually have a shot at the tittle come November 20th.
The race was out quick in a load of 200 runners from every division and school in Ohio. We had plans to stick together and pack it up for the first two miles, but having that many runners made it imposable. I found myself with Galen Dills for the first 2 miles or so. We worked together quickly picking people off like it was our job. I went through the first mile in a comfortable 4:57. Trying to stay relaxed as long as possible I found myself running with different packs trying to cover ground with as little effort as possible. I came through the two mile in 10:08 running a 5:11 second mile. By this time Galen had left me and I was running 4th man. Not knowing this throughout the whole race, I thought for some reason I was 6th man. I was a bit nervous, because I knew I needed to run 5:10's in order to run 25:50 and I thought I was already dropping off pace. The third mile was nothing special, like the second I tried to keep pace and form.
My third mile split was 15:29 running a 5:21. That's when I started to get this new feeling in my legs. It felt as if I was carrying a backpack of 50lbs. I felt my spikes come in contact with the soft ground I could feel every spike put pressure on my foot. It was like I had a great amount of sensory nerves in my feet. Brad Liston came up around three and a half miles as he said a couple words, we worked together for no more then a quarter mile and he was off running away from everyone else. I found myself, once again, trying to work with other runners and counting off each meter, knowing exactly how much work I had left. I came through the fourth mile in 20:44 running a 5:15. Not knowing that the last mile was actually 0.97m I found myself questioning if I was going to even brake 26 minutes. As I saw Eric and every Shawnee affiliated person screaming at me to put everything I had out there and to not let Malone's 5th man out kick me, in the back of my head I was questioning why they got so crazy since I thought I was the 6th man, but none the less I put everything I had in my legs for the last 1k and accept that growling pain for another 3 or so minutes. As I came down the last 500m I gave it all I had. Looking up I noticed the clock saying 25:30's. I was in awe. This whole time I thought I was running 6th man not looking to brake 26, and here I am running 5th man looking for a 30+ second PR and out kicking Malone's 5th man to take home the team NAIA title.
As I crossed the line I had pretty much drained everything I had and left everything out on the course. I quickly was looking for someone to collapse on, as this female volunteer said those familiar words "Keep walking, Keep walking" I put my arms around her trying to hold up my feet and not let them collapse. She then replied "I got you, it's ok". I was in way too much pain and not knowing what I had just done to grasp life. As I left the shoot I was grated by other teammates and coaches letting me know that I was in fact our 5th man and had run sub 25:50. That feeling I got cannot be explained. I was quickly to respond that we should not celebrate anything until it's official.
As I struggled to cool down with lactic acid taking over every part of my body I was grated by other Varsity runners who had yelled out with great energy we had beat Malone by a small margin of 2 points. My relief was great, knowing that I held my own and for the first time in my life, I had officially scored for my Cross Country team in what is know the best race we have run yet this season. My official time for the 8000m course was 25:49.5 running a last 0.97m in 5:05.5 making that a 36s PR from last years Aquinas meet.
We are not done. The team still has loads of work to do till November 20th, and we are hungrier then ever.
Shawnee Bears Varsity (Minus Keegan Rathkamp) and Corey Culbertson
I've had this little thought in the back of my head for years now. Ever since I came to Shawnee I questioned what I could do by the time I graduate. Could I leave this place with All-American honors? Could I get to that point in my running where I could finish in the top 30 at the NAIA Nationals? Knowing this would take loads upon loads of hard work and dedication, I thought in a couple years perhaps when I'm a senior... Saturday was something I've never felt before. It has given me an itch to go out and give everything I have for this team. Could this really happen this year? Would I have a chance to earn, what some take a lifetime to get? Can I race at Nationals and become an All-American? Can Shawnee State University really become National Champions?
These questions linger in my head. I can't stop thinking about it. In class, on runs, even at work or in bed. It's like a disease I can't get rid of, but the thought of making these dreams become reality creates a tingle in my spine. A feeling that I cannot find words to explain. I want this more then I've wanted anything in my life. All I can do now is Believe...
GOALS
November 20th 2010.
25:30 - All-American
2010 NAIA National Champions Shawnee State University
