Building The Orb



These past couple years I've made myself in-prisoned in this image. Forcing to accept what I think is going to build me up when such things can cause me to fall apart. It takes sacrifices to get to your dreams. which I think I understood at a young age, but the temptations throughout the year, and the weight on my shoulders cause me to be soft often. I need to learn what is important, and carve myself into stone.

Knowing the task you set yourself up for, and understanding the commitment of this task can be two completely different windows to most people. Hell, even I sometimes take door number two -But, for once in my life I am truly ready give up any personal ambitions outside of the task in order to achieve greatness.

It's taken a lot of harsh terms for me to try to find meaning and balance in the type of life I live. Really, I wish this kind of youth on no one. The balance between complete sanity and living on the edge can be very thin.

Everyone always wants the trophy, championship ring, or self satisfaction but few of them really understand what those select few have to go through in order to be at the top. I've gone through a tremendous amount of up and downs in my life, only to come out on the other side, repeating the process over and over again. There is always going to be the summer of the mileage, the winter of strength, but never again will I be able to re-live my youth. But; after everything is all said and done I hope to be able to look back and say it was worth it all.

You might be wondering what I am trying to get at.  I really don't know myself. I guess what I am hooping if I write out what's in my head something will appear, and life will make sense. You live and learn, fall and try to get back up. Don't sweat the little things they say, but sometimes its like little things that define you.

I think that is why I am so obsessed with music. I try to find meaning in the lyrics and rhythm, and its never really let me down unlike most of things in my life. the simplicity and realistic tones of music create a vision in which I know there are bigger and better things out there. I try to find these things by attaching myself onto people or objects that make me feel happy or loved, but often these feelings never last. I've found relationships very hard to deal with. Often, I'm usually the one who is all over the place. Never settled with what I have, and always out to try to find bigger and better things. I hate the fact that I feel like I will never truly be happy until I'm out west someplace in a nice home, with a beautiful wife, children and a stable job. Though, this might never happen in my lift, its nice to think about and it helps pass the time. These thoughts I create inside myself help keep me going, hooping something productive will come out of them - But, after its all said and done I've always came to the conclusion there is nothing as concrete and real to me as my running.

"My only real secret was, commitment to the task. A promise so simple, but so impossibly hard to honor. How they could be expected to understand that"?...

I must put everything on hold, build up the orb so nothing can touch it, and commit myself completely and 100%.