Blowin' In The Wind

It's been a while... Nine months to be exact. A lot has happened in those nine months which I may or may not want to talk about. I figured I'd come back here and write some jumble down to help cope with some stressful times. Probably going to end up talking about my running, and try to compare it to life. I always end up doing such things on here, but it's nice to create something that you can look back on and try to understand what you went through.

Recently, I've came back to Blogger to re-read some of my older posts to help me get through these next seventeen days. This season has been anything but rewarding to me. Coming into camp, I feel I had the summer of my life. I felt that I took my base training to the next level, incorporated some dynamic drills, and increased my mileage greatly. Living in Miamisburg with my older brother Jeremy and sister in-law Kara made for a very comfortable environment to live and train for three months. Looking back now there would be a number of things I would of changed/added to my lifestyle, but I can't do anything about it now.

The season Has been up and down. Dayton Flyer 5k, had a bad illness which with the addition of an awful heat index made for a miserable race. Ran, I believe, ~45 seconds slower then 2010. Shook that off, ran solid at Iona running ten seconds faster and some twenty sports better then 2010. I thought, "Ok, with a couple workouts i'll be up there". Then, something changed. The drive I used to have last year seemed to have faded out. During the next month or so I seemed always on edge, ready to be negative about any un-healthy situation I was in. My training went downhill, and with that everything else seemed to follow suite. All-Ohio, SSU Invite, Aquanis I wasn't where I expected to be. This was going to be my year I thought.

"No more high school racing style, you will have a strong last 4k". I thought I was going to be the king of the course. I mean that's what got me through all those miles in the Dayton heat. Knowing I was coming into the season in the best aerobic shape out of anyone, yet I still can't cope with the stress when it matters. I thought I was doing everything right. When the team would go out after a meet or on weekends to drink, and live the typical college life, I would settle into the cabin and get ten hours of sleep. When I ate, I made sure I got enough fruits and vegetables. Stretched, ran my workouts smart, gave up any social life I could have. I mean what the fuck else do you have to do in order to be a successful collegiate athlete.

This frustrated me to no end, and kept me up at night. Knowing I was not only getting beat by a number of people on the team that I was easily beating last year, but my times in races and workouts were no where near 2010. I was pissed off, searching for answers in all the wrong places.

These past couple days or so I've really had time to reflect on my season, and after looking back on last year I've tried to pick out the positives so-far that I've got with me. One, last year at this time I could barley run two miles without tears in my eye. I had an inflamed sollesus bone (along shin) that would not seem to heal, legs were so burnt out from killing workouts with the big dogs, and an unfamiliar attitude about the right state of mind. Going into nationals last year I was scared and nervous. I was more fixated on enjoying the whole trip, and relying on the top guys to run the race for me I didn't realize what I'm here to do.

This year I've got many things going for me heading into Conference and Nationals. I've yet to really hit my stride in any race which means I've got a hell of a lot left in my tank that I plan to unleash when it counts. Second, not only am I not injured, my legs and body is at an all time calm and utter stand still ready to exert a tremendous amount of effort. Finally, After looking back on last years posts during this time, I've come to realize I'm missing the one ingredient I had. Confidence.

They say running is half mental, and its been a roller coaster ride for me this season. If I can just focus and set my mind on finishing out the season like I imagined when I was running waldruhe standard, or doing hill repeats up Linden hill. All of my life I've had a problem with staying consistent and this is the most important thing to me right now. My team has a good shot of bringing home a National Championship, and I'm willing to do anything and everything I can to help us succeed.

I'm fresh, Strong, Prepared, Experienced, and now I must find that racing edge.

Believe.