As I type this it's officially Christmas here in my home town of Toledo, Ohio. Being back home with my mom Laura, with the familiarities and comforts has helped me relax and enjoy being alone and out of Portsmouth. Recently, I've find myself in a weird period of my life. A time where I'm questioning everything and anything that has taken up these past couple years. I've been so caught up in things that can waste a whole lifetime to realize these are suppose to be the best years of my life. Having some time away makes you slow down, enjoy the peace and quiet, and have time to think and reflect.
It's easy to let yourself go and get too deep into things like the pleasure of being loved or wanted, or what you look at as "a good night out", that you almost loose yourself entirely. You change your personality, your looks, anything in order to fit this role, this image you make up in your mind. It can get so deep that you might not even know its happening until you convince yourself this is the "new you" by forcing yourself to accept it. I want to become my own person so bad, and I feel that there are a lot of things in my life right now that are holding me back. Being Independent has been something I've strive for my whole life, and I'd like nothing more then to grow and develop as my own self.
I tend to enjoy the easy, most pleasurable, small attributes that life has to offer that have no particular meaning or value, and honestly I hate that about myself. I wish I could be someone who gets straight A's, someone who is considered the perfect collegiate well rounded successful athlete who is gonna do something with his life. Sometimes, I feel like what I'm doing will lead me no where, or that I won't be successful at anything. On the other side, I feel like life is a gift that I don't plan to waste a minute of it. I say fuck the map, a life planed out is a life filled with limits. I want to make the best out of what I've got and to enjoy every second, because you never know what will happen a year from now, tomorrow, even a minute from now. Nothing is determined, the only thing that will make the future become reality is the choice you make and you have to be willing to accept and learn from your decisions. Pray that these decisions you make in life will be the right ones, and will lead you into something so beautiful so peaceful you'll look back and smile knowing that what you did was the right thing.
Not a lot of this makes any sense to you select few readers so I'll try to sum it up into something I'd like for you to take from this. Never change who you are, never be someone who you think people will like and be able to accept. Be who you are, not what you think you should be. There has been some changes in my life recently that I will write about later, but right now I'd like to leave on a quote by John Mason...
After a short two weeks off from running, things seem very lost to me. It's hard to put things into perspective and find meaning in the things I do on a daily basis. These past couple weeks, I find myself quickly falling off task, always questioning "what" and "why", and not enjoying much at all. I've learned that without structure in my life I tend to loose focus and get off task very easy.
This past season was the most I've learned in my running career. I don't really wanna talk much about certain races or what times I've ran. Mainly, I'd like to just sit back and try to find the positive aspects. Above you will find a picture of my 2010 Cross Country goal poster board I made at our annual team meating in August. Looking back, I acomplished a lot from that list, and I'm very happy that I got to be apart of such a great group of men. Like I said, I've learned a lot what to do and what not to do. Next year it's going to be a whole different scene with Myself, and Galan Dills being the "Leaders" and are considerd the upper classmen. I'm looking forward to using what I've learned this season and trying some different stuff out as well.
So, the future... Tomorrow is going to be my first day back since the east side thanksgiving turkey trot on November 24th. I'm really excited to put in some really strong base mileage this winter, and I'm going to try and focus on strength and speed. I've started a tough lifting regiment called P90X last Monday with Blake Jones. It's a great way to get in shape and get ready for track season. It has different lifting workouts, Plyometrics, Abs, and even really intense Yoga session. These past two winter/spring seasons have been anything but nice to me. I've dealt with two different injuries both my freshmen and sophmore year, that have left me with nothing more then a couple track races and a few indoor races in the past two years. I'd really like to have a healthy season, and do all the "small things" that come with being a sucessful runner.
Tomorrow is also the first day of finals. I have my Chemistry final at 10am, my Mineralogy final and 6pm, and on Tuesday I'll have my Music Appreciation final at noon. Then Its nothing but running and working till school starts back up in January. I feel like I'm finally over that black cloud of bad training and being completly broken down. I'm back to my normal healthy self, and I'm more excited to train then ever!
Below you will find, in my opinion, the best written chapter of literature I've ever read. This past week I've dealt with some of the lowest points of my Cross Country season, and it helps to look back on this chapter to help put things into perspective. I'm dealing with a good amount of hardship with my soleus muscle, making it difficult to even walk let alone run, and total body fatigue that leaves me tired nearly all the time. It's been extremely hard to be positive about these setbacks, but with only 9 days before nationals, I don't really have a choice then to bight the bullet and hold on a bit longer...
Excerpt from Once a Runner
Chapter 17: Breaking Down
Cassidy had been through it before, every one of them had at one time or another, but it had never been quite this bad. Denton called it "breaking down," although Cassidy preferred the nomenclature of certain Caribbean quasi-religious groups; walking death was much closer to it. Quite a bit more, really, than the simple exhaustion of a single difficult workout, breaking down was a cumulative physical morbidity that usually built up over several weeks and left the runner struggling to recover from one session to the next.
The object, according to Denton, was to "run through" the thing, just as he maintained one should attempt to "run through" most of those other little hubcaps life rolls into your lane; everything from death in the family to cancer of the colon.
Breaking down was not a required checkpoint on the road to competitive fitness. In fact, many coaches
warned against it. But Denton viewed it as an opportunity to leapfrog over months of safer, less strenuous training, thus tempering survival-hardened muscles. The alternative, total rest, was too much the other extreme, the easy way out. That wouldn't do.
The toll on the runner, however, was high if he chose not to slack off. Psychologically as well as physically, he paid the price. He became weak, depressed; he needed 12 to 14 hours of sleep a night. He was literally desperate for rest, spent his waking hours with his legs elevated, in a state of general irritability. He became asexual, rendered, in the words of the immortal limerick, really quite useless on dates. He was a thoroughly unpleasant person.
But then his life was most certainly focused on The Task. And hadn't he decided at one time that he would do whatever was necessary to become ... whatever it was he could become? Perhaps. But at this juncture, many a runner begins to reexamine some of the previously unexamined premises. The question that plagues the runner undergoing breakdown training is: Why Am I Living Like This? The question eventually becomes: Is This Living?
From the crucible of such inner turmoil come the various metals, soft or brittle, flawed or pure, precious or common, that determine the good runners, the great runners, and perhaps the former runners; for those who cannot deal with successfully (or evade successfully) the consequences of their singular objective will simply fade away from it all and go on to less arduous pursuits. There has probably never been one yet who has done so, however, without leaving a part of himself there in the quiet tiled solace of the early afternoon locker room, knotting his loathsome smelling laces for yet another, jesus god, ten-miler with the boys. Once a runner.
Cassidy always felt that those who partook of the difficult pleasures of the highly competitive runner only when comfortable, when in a state of high energy, when rested, elated, or untroubled by previous exertions, such dilettantes missed the point. They were the ones who showed up at the beginning of the season, perhaps hung on for a few rough periods, maybe ran a race or two. But Cassidy noticed that their eyes always gave them away; the gloom, one could tell, was too much for them. It would soon engulf them. They would begin to ask themselves the questions too many times. Soon they would miss a workout. Then a few in a row. Then they would chicken out on themselves during the tough, stupid, endless middle of a bad race. And you don’t easily hide such things from yourself, much less your teammates. Soon when the questions were posed, there would be no answers. The runner would begin to feel self-conscious around the others knowing that he was no longer one of them; eventually he would drift off, and be a runner no more…
Quenton Cassidy’s method of dealing with fundamental doubts was simple: He didn’t think about them at all. These questions had been considered a long time ago, decisions were made, answers recorded, and the book closed. If it had to be re-opened every time the going got rough, he would spend more time
rationalizing than training; his log would start to disclose embarrassing information, perhaps blank squares. Even a self-made obsessive-compulsive could not tolerate that. He was uninterested in the perspective of the fringe runners, the philosopher runners, the training rats; those who sat around reading abstruse and meaningless articles in Runner’s World, coining yet more phrases to describe the indescribable, waxing mystical over the various states of euphoria that the anointed were allegedly privy to.
On the track, the Cassidys of the world ate such specimens alive.
Cassidy sought no euphoric interludes. They came, when they did, quite naturally and he was content to
enjoy them privately. He ran not for crypto-religious reasons, but to win races, to cover ground fast. Not
only to be better than his fellows, but better than himself. To be faster by a tenth of a second, by an inch, by two feet or two yards than he had been the week or year before. He sought to conquer the physical limitations placed upon him by a three-dimensional world (and if Time is the fourth dimension, that too was his province). If he could conquer the weakness, the cowardice in himself, he would not worry about the rest; it would come. Training was a rite of purification; from it came speed, strength. Racing was a rite of death; from it came knowledge. Such rites demand, if they are to be meaningful at all, a certain amount of time spent precisely on the Red Line, where you can lean over the manicured putting green at the edge of the precipice and see exactly nothing.
Anything else that comes out of that process is a by-product. Certain compliments and observations made Cassidy uneasy; he explained that he was a runner; just an athlete, really, with an absurdly difficult task. He was not a health nut, was not out to mold himself a stylishly slim body. He did not live on nuts and berries; if the furnace was hot enough, anything would burn, even Big Macs. He listened carefully to his body and heeded strange requests. Like a pregnant woman, he sometimes sought artichoke hearts, pickled beets, smoked oysters. His daily toil was arduous; satisfying on the whole, but not the bounding, joyous, nature romp described in the magazines. Other runners, real runners, understood it quite well.
Quenton Cassidy knew what the mystic-runners, the joggers, the runner-poets, the Zen runners and others of their ilk were saying. But he also knew that their euphoric selves were generally nowhere to be seen on dark, rainy mornings. They primarily wanted to talk it, not do it. Cassidy very early understood that a true runner ran even when he didn’t feel like it, and raced when he was supposed to, without excuses and with nothing held back. He ran to win, would die in the process if necessary, and was unimpressed by those who disavowed such a base motivation. You are not allowed to renounce that which you never possessed he thought.
The true competitive runner, simmering in his own existential juices, endured his melancholia the only way he knew how: gently, together with those few others who also endured it; yet very much alone. He ran because it grounded him in the basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling. He suspected it kept him from that most real variety of schizophrenia that the republic was then sprouting like mushrooms on a stump.
Running to him was real, the way he did it the realest thing he knew. It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure”.
This Cross Country season has possibly been one of the most eye opening experience of my life. As the days dwindle down to Vancouver, I feel like I'm a completely new person. Back in High School or even six months ago, if you were to ask me what it takes to run these times, like any other person, I would say "run a lot of miles, eat healthy, and train hard". Though this is still very important, I believe a big part of my success as a runner this season has to be my confidence. Going into workouts or races telling myself that I belong up in the front. Simply going out there and doing it has put me to where I am now. All these miles i've put in, and hard interval sessions that never seem to end, but truly understand and knowing that I want this more then the person running next to me has given me that huge leap forward.
My confidence has really picked up this past month. Running interval workouts at Early Thomas Conely Park on crisp early fall afternoons. I can remember a particular workout that was only a couple weeks ago on October 15th. It was 4x2k at the course. Going into the workout I've been running good times and thought "Hey, I can run with Michael Owen" and that whole Mind over matter thing really worked out well for me. I stopped really considering pace, or where I was on the team I simply just ran. Once I had totally overtaken my mind, everything else came to me.
I'm starting to understand that there's more to running hard then just training hard. You must believe in yourself and over power and negative thoughts that creep into your mind. Believe is almost an understatement you must fully and truly KNOW what your doing out there. I guess you could say this is the basic layout, in my opinion, to the whole "Running Free" thing. I run my best when my head is cleared of any splits or times, and I just go out there with a hard mindset to just compete. The hardest part leading up to a race is convincing yourself you can do it and turn your over-thinking brain off. Once you've accomplished that, everything else simply falls into your hands... or your feet.
-BJW
Ive grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So Im making a deal with the devils of fame
Saying let me walk away, please
Youll be free child once you have died
From the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
Till then walk away, walk away
As we all circle around minutes before the gun goes off, we are greeted with positive thoughts, and last minute instructions. We all rise our arms into the thin crisp fall air as we yell out in unison, with a deep hardness in our voices, 1, 2, 3...BEARS! This causes a deep tingling in your bones, but not yet... you have to save it. The time will come when you must look deep into your body. Around every corner or crevice where you must reach down and find any bit of fuel to put in the oven to keep you going for miles, minutes or seconds. Those times in races where your lost within yourself, with a million questions firing through your brain. You must brush off every negative thought look down and realize what you are here to do.
Yesterday was the best race, in my opinion, that Shawnee State has ever ran. We beat number 7th Ranked Aquinas by 50pts. Had a 38 second gap from our first man to our 5th. Keegan got 3rd (24:46) Michael got 4th (24:47), Galen got 7th (24:56), Brad got 13th (25:12) and I was our 5th man and got 18th. In order to win Nationals we need to duplicate this performance and have our top 5 guys run under 30th place.
We are now 27 days from toeing the line in Vancouver, Washington and to be honest I'm terrified. I've never been involved in a race of such high importance. To know we have a good shot of becoming National Champions and to have that pressure of 5th man who makes or breaks us scares the shit out of me. I'm trying to find ways to use this as a way of motivation. These next 3 weeks I really want to focus on building up my confidence, knowing that I belong up front and I'm willing to do anything for my team to take home the title. Though these days will seem like eternity, they could possibly be the most important days of our lives.
Moment of inner freedom
when the mind is opened and the
infinite universe revealed
& the soul is left to wander
dazed & confus'd searching
here & there for teachers & friends.
This past week was my highest weekly milage every in my life (90 miles to be exact), and my legs, body, and mind could not be feeling any better! It started off with that famous 20x400 meter repeats at Earl Thomas Conely Park. I averaged 69 seconds per 400 meter. Wednesday, was a very calming spiritual trail 14 mile trail run out at Shawnee forest with Michael Owen. Friday was another workout at Earl Thomas Conely park. This time we ran 4 x 2k where I ran up front with Michael running an average of 6:10 per 2k, and what better way to end the week with a hard 15 miler at Hangover with Eric Putnam and Blake Jones.
You'd think that this being my first 90 mile week ever my legs and body would be tired, but to be honest I've never felt this good. I feel this tingling whenever I think about what I can do these next 36 days. My legs are ready for anything Putnam is going to throw at us, my body feels well rested and mind at ease. I have confidence in my training and fitness level and the great thing is every week I'm feeling so much more stronger! I wish this feeling will last forever...
We are running in Grand Rapids next saturday at the Great Lakes Challenge where the goal is to beat Aquanis and run strong. Personally I would like to run 25:30. Until then all I can do is believe.
I feel like I'm in the middle of a dream waiting for that moment to be waken up...
I don't know how I got to this point in my running, but I'm loving every second of it. I often find myself waiting for my legs to get tired, thinking any second now fatigue is going to set in, or perhaps another ankle sprain on some coarse grain gravel; But that moment never catches up with me and I'm left in awe wondering if it can get any better then this. My legs have never felt this strong, my breathing never this deep. All I can think about is "How can I keep improving"? Recently I've been questioning upping my mileage in the middle of the season. I want to sneak out in the mornings and run 5-8 miles just for the simple fact that it feels so damn good. The quest for a 100 mile week reeks upon me like a kid in a candy store. I don't know why or how I got this way, but to be honest I'm terrified not knowing of it will last or if it could be taken away any second.
I feel like it's Christmas morning, but any minute someone or something will come in and take all of the presents away. This joy that I'm feeling I will give anything to make it last. Whenever work or school leaves my blue I always fall back to my running, knowing that I am good at something, and I'm apart of something so amazing it puts a smile on my face.
This past weekend was the 56th Annual All-Ohio Cross Country Championships. We had some big goals of winning it all going into the meet, and with a total team score of 151 points for 6th place we couldn't of been happier. It was the first time beating the NAIA dominate Malone Pioneers and it still has not really hit me that we might actually have a shot at the tittle come November 20th.
The race was out quick in a load of 200 runners from every division and school in Ohio. We had plans to stick together and pack it up for the first two miles, but having that many runners made it imposable. I found myself with Galen Dills for the first 2 miles or so. We worked together quickly picking people off like it was our job. I went through the first mile in a comfortable 4:57. Trying to stay relaxed as long as possible I found myself running with different packs trying to cover ground with as little effort as possible. I came through the two mile in 10:08 running a 5:11 second mile. By this time Galen had left me and I was running 4th man. Not knowing this throughout the whole race, I thought for some reason I was 6th man. I was a bit nervous, because I knew I needed to run 5:10's in order to run 25:50 and I thought I was already dropping off pace. The third mile was nothing special, like the second I tried to keep pace and form.
My third mile split was 15:29 running a 5:21. That's when I started to get this new feeling in my legs. It felt as if I was carrying a backpack of 50lbs. I felt my spikes come in contact with the soft ground I could feel every spike put pressure on my foot. It was like I had a great amount of sensory nerves in my feet. Brad Liston came up around three and a half miles as he said a couple words, we worked together for no more then a quarter mile and he was off running away from everyone else. I found myself, once again, trying to work with other runners and counting off each meter, knowing exactly how much work I had left. I came through the fourth mile in 20:44 running a 5:15. Not knowing that the last mile was actually 0.97m I found myself questioning if I was going to even brake 26 minutes. As I saw Eric and every Shawnee affiliated person screaming at me to put everything I had out there and to not let Malone's 5th man out kick me, in the back of my head I was questioning why they got so crazy since I thought I was the 6th man, but none the less I put everything I had in my legs for the last 1k and accept that growling pain for another 3 or so minutes. As I came down the last 500m I gave it all I had. Looking up I noticed the clock saying 25:30's. I was in awe. This whole time I thought I was running 6th man not looking to brake 26, and here I am running 5th man looking for a 30+ second PR and out kicking Malone's 5th man to take home the team NAIA title.
As I crossed the line I had pretty much drained everything I had and left everything out on the course. I quickly was looking for someone to collapse on, as this female volunteer said those familiar words "Keep walking, Keep walking" I put my arms around her trying to hold up my feet and not let them collapse. She then replied "I got you, it's ok". I was in way too much pain and not knowing what I had just done to grasp life. As I left the shoot I was grated by other teammates and coaches letting me know that I was in fact our 5th man and had run sub 25:50. That feeling I got cannot be explained. I was quickly to respond that we should not celebrate anything until it's official.
As I struggled to cool down with lactic acid taking over every part of my body I was grated by other Varsity runners who had yelled out with great energy we had beat Malone by a small margin of 2 points. My relief was great, knowing that I held my own and for the first time in my life, I had officially scored for my Cross Country team in what is know the best race we have run yet this season. My official time for the 8000m course was 25:49.5 running a last 0.97m in 5:05.5 making that a 36s PR from last years Aquinas meet.
We are not done. The team still has loads of work to do till November 20th, and we are hungrier then ever.
Shawnee Bears Varsity (Minus Keegan Rathkamp) and Corey Culbertson
I've had this little thought in the back of my head for years now. Ever since I came to Shawnee I questioned what I could do by the time I graduate. Could I leave this place with All-American honors? Could I get to that point in my running where I could finish in the top 30 at the NAIA Nationals? Knowing this would take loads upon loads of hard work and dedication, I thought in a couple years perhaps when I'm a senior... Saturday was something I've never felt before. It has given me an itch to go out and give everything I have for this team. Could this really happen this year? Would I have a chance to earn, what some take a lifetime to get? Can I race at Nationals and become an All-American? Can Shawnee State University really become National Champions?
These questions linger in my head. I can't stop thinking about it. In class, on runs, even at work or in bed. It's like a disease I can't get rid of, but the thought of making these dreams become reality creates a tingle in my spine. A feeling that I cannot find words to explain. I want this more then I've wanted anything in my life. All I can do now is Believe...
GOALS
November 20th 2010.
25:30 - All-American
2010 NAIA National Champions Shawnee State University
Have you ever wanted something so bad that you would do anything and everything in your power to reach out and just take it? You've worked so hard for something and nothing, not even your family, friends or other pressures, will get in your way. You're constantly pushing your mind and body reminding it daily why you are doing is for a purpose. When any doubt enters your head you quickly erase as if you were literally picking it up and throwing it out. You know all these years of hard work and dedication will lead up to a single day. A moment in life that will go by in a flash, but when it's all over that single moment will last for eternity.
When ideas become too complicated, and the pursuit of perfection is misconstrued as a need for excess. When there is so much involved that individual components cannot be discerned. When it is hard to break the rules of excess. Then new rules need to be established. It descends back to the beginning where the construction of things visual or aural is too uncomplicated to not be beautiful. But this is done in the knowledge that we can only become simple to a point and then there is nowhere else to go. There are definite natural things which cannot be broken down into lesser components. Even if the goal for achieving beauty from simplicity is aesthetically less exciting it may force the mind to acknowledge the simple components that make the complicated beautiful.
The quest for sub-26 is less then 8 days away, and these past four days have been anything but satisfying. It seems like these small nagging injuries are growing day by day. I'm trying my best to push through them with the whole "Mind over Matter", but sometimes you question everything you do because of something so small. I'm going to spend these next seven days focusing on getting healthy and making sure I am 100% ready to go on October 1st, because when I toe that old silly spray painted line, it's time to let everything go and be free. Until then it's back to basics. Run, Ice bath, Stretch - Repeat.
Going into the Iona Meet I was a bit unsure of the course. Van Cortland Park has been known for its hills and tough terrain which make for a great Cross Country course. We didn't get a chance to run the course the day before due to the 15 hour bus drive from Portsmouth to New York, so I was not to familiar with the mile markers or terrain which made me a bit on edge.
The race went out pretty quick. Our top five (which included Michael Owen, Keegan Rathkamp, Josh Linkous, Me and Galen Dills) stayed tucked in together in a nice pack for the first mile in a half. The only split I got the whole race was the first mile right around 4:58-5 flat. The pack broke apart once we hit the woods. I stayed with Galen as Michael and Keegan where up front and Linkous right behind us. From 1.5-3m it was all rolling hills which included some steep ups and downs with rail road beams and loose gravel. A lot of physical body contact which is always a great time.
The terrain started to wear on my legs and I started dropping off pace around 3 miles where Linkous passed me. When we came out of the woods we had about a 600-800m stretch where we ran on the outside. Brad Liston polled up next to me where we ran together for about 400m until he polled away right before hitting the woods for the second time. I tried to keep up my form the last mile in a half, but as soon as we hit Cemetery hill my breathing was shot. I went into O2 debt within seconds and was trying to leap towards the top. As soon as your down running up hill your foreced into a massive turnover down a 400m steep downhill with sharp turns and loose gravel.
I was surprised how strong I felt coming into the finish after running those hills. I thought for sure my legs where shot, but I was able to have a nice kick and passed a few runners. My overall place with 85th with a time of 26 minutes and 44 seconds. I'm happy to have a good time on a tough course my first 8k of the year and am excited to pursure sub 26 at All-Ohio on October 1st at Cedarville.
The City:
Following the race, we got cleaned up and ate a quick lunch at our hotel and were off to explore New York City. We got into time square around 3pm. Looking like a bunch of tourst from Southern Ohio who haven't seen anything like this before, we where amazed by the size and vast cultures the city had to offer. The first stop he hit was Bleeker Street Records in Greenich Village. This was the one thing I was really looking forward to. I picked up a few vinyls which included a used edition of The Beatles White Album and a brand new pressing of The Velvet Underground & Nico produced by Andy Warhol.
We then proceeded to Ground Zero, Hard Rock for Dinner and some shops around Manhatten. We got a bit lost on our way back to the Bronx on the subway. We took a wrong train and ended up near Queens which delayed us back a good hour, but that was the only part of the trip that went bad. I had a blast and would of liked to spend a couple more days in the city to see everything.
September is the month of eye cringing and gut wrenching workouts that leave you staggering around with that famous hands to knees grasp, asking yourself "Why the fuck am I doing this"? You quickly shake off all negative thoughts as you here those words, "Alright guys, take a deep breath...GO"! and your off pounding your way to a spray painted line somewhere in the woods trying to stay as relaxed as posable, but yet so incredibly animal-like you can't help but love every second.
As the first meet of the year has come and gone, it is time to start learning from past mistakes and push even harder. Dayton Flyer 5k was this past Saturday. Going into the race it felt a bit watered down due to the fact my that my twenty first birthday was that night and all my family and friends are here to celebrate that. I was no where near where I needed to be in my mind and I had trouble getting into that "race mode".
The 5k itself was gone in a flash. From what I remember I tried to stay relaxed and go out with the guys I've been running with in workouts. I came through the mile in a 4:53 which I thought was good. As the pace continued I felt a heavy weight come upon my upper body. as my form struggled so did my breathing. I was taking deep grasping breaths trying to relieve my body of this lactic acid that was taking over me. I had a terrible last 1.5 and got passed by quite a few runners from Miami and Dayton. I think I came through the two mile in a 10:03 which means I had at least a 5:27 last mile. I was 29th overall with a 15:54.
Our team was staggered throughout the whole race. We did not run as a pack like we usually do. I think we were just so caught up with trying to run with Miami and Dayton we really didn't think about helping each other out to do the same. All we can do now is learn from our mistakes and work heard these next two months and run fast when it really matters. I need to stop being so damn content with my training and find that inner strength some might call the "Chi". The time has come to live what you preached early on an put the Hammer Down!
Growing up, I had always been put behind my older brothers shadow. In grade school going to watch Jeremy run track meets influenced me to join my track team in the sixth grade at St. Catherine of Siena. I was not much of a runner in grade school, having personal bests in the mile in seventh grade being at 6:12 and eighth grade at 6:09. I ran no more than a couple miles at practice and never ran cross country until I went to High School.
Jeremy graduated in June 2004 when I was in the 7th grade. He had made a huge indent on Central Catholics distance program which made my two years spent there seem a bit overwhelming. I remember going to Wildwood metropark to run miles with Centrals team the summer before my freshmen year with Jeremy. Having run no more than a couple miles in a single run and getting thrown into a prgram bassed off of the Pavvo system was a hard transition. As cross country season came and gone I had a personal best of 19:34 in the 5000m at the city league meet. That spring I improved my mile time to 5:30's and started to get the hang of things. My sophomore was spent waking up at 6 am to run 4 milers before school and doing interval workouts on the track after.
We were hitting 60-70 miles per week and I had finally started to get my growth spurt. I ran a 17:34 at Toledo City League, but started to hate running. I had only picked up the sport because Jeremy had been a big influence on me and it seemed to be fun. I had no idea what it took in order to become good. I had no drive or ambition to take that extra step to become great. With music, friends and other activities I had started to enjoy my own free time and running became secondary, and soon became something I had completely lost interest in.
My spring semester of my sophomore I had quit track. I had found myself hatting Central, and as I started to become my own person I realized I wanted a change. I set my head to the books that semester and raised my g.p.a high enough in order to transfer to St. John's Jesuit High School. This would be a huge change for me. It was like stating school all over again. Going from an inner city catholic school with multi-diversity to an all guys strict academic jesuit school would be a hard transition. That fall, I met some new friends, was enjoying school and once again was back into running Cross Country my junior year.
It felt like I was new to the sport and my times showed I had some work to do. I ended my Cross Country junior year with a personal best of 18:30's. I loved what I was doing and finally got used to the change in my lifestyle. That spring I worked hard and found that balance between school, work and academics. I ran a 5:10 in the mile and was ready to put some work in the summer going into my senior year.
I had a lot to prove to everyone, but more importantly I had to prove to myself that these past three years were not a waste. I was back running 50-60 miles a week and was with the best group guys a team could ask for. After running a personal best at the Toledo City League meet with a 16:42 and making the first team all city, I had some confidence going into the State Championship meet. We had been ranked 2nd behind Medina that whole season and where fighting to take home the title.
That race came and gone in a flash. Are number one man, Joe Miller, had struggled the last 200m with dehydration and collapsed nine times. Are four and five ran slow and I got out kicked and ended up being our seventh man running a 17:14. It was a disappointing day, but we managed to keep a smile on our face and I was happy to be apart of this program. We got sixth overall in the Division I State Championship and just being a part of that, in my eyes, was a win.
I had always wanted to pursue my running in college, watching Jeremy run at Heidelberg and seeing how much fun he had with his team, influenced my decision. I had only gotten a couple letters from Heidelberg and a small school in Kentucky called Cumberlands. I had also been on the phone with Otterbein's coach Matt Borland and was all set on Running there.
Going into St.John's I knew it was going to be a challenge, but I didn't know they took things so seriously. I had ended my senior year with some decent times in track, but no where near the g.p.a needed in order to be running at a collegiate level. I had been declined admission from Otterbein and I was left scrambling around for a college I could get into and run.
My adviser had told me about Shawnee State's gaming program for some reason, and I went to the library and did some research on their team. I got in contact with Eric Putnam and after a visit in January 2008 I was pretty much all set on heading down to Portsmouth, Ohio that fall for college. This decision would be the best decision I had ever made in my life.
These past couple years have been the best time not only in my running career, but also in life. I've met some of the most respected and motivated people this state has to offer. I have been pushed in academics and in my running like you wouldn't believe. These past couple weeks have been the best I've ran in all my life. I put in a lot of miles this past summer and I finally truly believe my running is taking shape and have figured out what it takes in order to be great. After eight long years and pounding the pavement mile after mile. I finally have something to show for it. As this cross country season is only days away from getting started, I feel like this is the best time to have finally figured it all out. Breaking 16 for the first time last weekend had opened my eyes to realize this is no walk in the park. This silly thing we do day in and day out can make you become the man your suppose to be, or continue to hold back your dreams and passions. The only thing is your the locksmith and you decide what door to open.
I cannot describe to you my excitement for where our team can go this year. We have been through it all and finally we are getting some respect and are making a name for our program. I like to bring myself back to my younger days when I would trot along that famous red trail at Wildwood and remember why I do this. Its not all about the fame or the times you run. What it comes down to is self-motivation and determination.
I'm going to end this post by a quote made famous in Without Limits by Bill Bowerman...
"Running, one might say is basically and observed pastime, on which not to be exhausting ourselves, but if you can find meaning in the type of running you have to do to stay on this team, chances are you'll be able to find meaning in another observed pastime, life."
School started just yesterday. I can already feel myself quickly jumping back into the familiar habits. Waking up early, going to class, eating some lunch running and working have once again taken over my life. I wish I could think of something interesting to say, or perhaps some insightful thoughts, but my mind is set on "what's my next workout", "Do I have to work tonight", or "When is my next class".
It is in these times when I can ether find myself and push through it or loose my mind interlay. I've been running good workouts and staying healthy so that's always a positive. Classes so far seem to be alright. Other then that i'll keep on keeping on and rolling towards that goal of mine...
Well, as you can tell I've been having an eventful summer. As the last couple of weeks of summer come to an end I'd like to spend a little bit of time to write about my thoughts and adventures of yet another summer spent in Portsmouth, Ohio. Next week I will finish up an Ethics course I am taking. It went by super fast and I'm pretty pumped about getting all my GED out of the way. The next 2-3 years will be strictly science/geology related courses.
Camp starts on the 8th and I am feeling pretty fit these days. An earlier goal for me was to hit 70 ten straight weeks before camp. I did not do this but, I am going on my fourth week of 70. I will be at 75 these next 2 weeks and 80 the week before camp. Since that Is how I planed to end my summer training I feel pretty good about it. I definitely had the best summer running wise of my career so far. I have stayed consistent and am ready fora great cross season.
Other then a short summer class, a couple trips to Toledo and Dayton and running, there really hasn't been too much excitement this summer. I would have liked to write more, but really didn't have much to talk about. As school start back up in the fall I'm sure i'll be on here more getting back into that familiar routine.
I'm writing this paper for ethics these past couple days and it has gotten me thinking a lot about life and how your suppose to live and all that. the title of the paper will be "The Pursuit of Real Truth". I'll plan on posting it on here later next week when I finish it.
Honestly, I feel like I'm just rambling on, so I'll wrap things up. I'd like to get on here more like I said. It feels good to get out a lot of the stuff I keep in my mind. Its very soothing almost like a late night 4 miler.
Interpret the Precambrian-Paleozoic evolution of the Southern margin of North America...
And that is exactly what we did. First stop was St. Joe State Park in Park hills, Missouri. After a smooth eight hour trip from Portsmouth, to Park Hills we quickly set up camp, had a couple beers and made a nice pasta dinner by the fire. Next morning was spent looking at Precambrian igneous Granite at Knob Lick Mountain.
Camp Site #1 at St. Joe State Park, Missouri.
Knob Lick Mountain
We had six stops which included, Knob Lick Mountain lookout and quarry, Exposure of mafic dike swarm in slabtown granite, Precambrian = Paleozoic unconformity, silvermine granite, Johnson's shut-Ins, and the Elephant Rocks.
It was very tiring and strenuous day out, but a great start to the trip. Before leaving for Hulbert, Oklahoma we stopped off at the everett J. ritchieTri-State mineral museum in Joplin Missouri. We got to Sequoyah State Park later in the afternoon. We got a great camping spot right on For Gibson Lake. We had some free time in the afternoon so we all went swimming and Dr. Bauer made chicken fajitas.
Day four was mostly spent at Eagles Bluff sorting creating a stratigraphic column and collecting and interpreting samples. I got beat up pretty bad by some rocks but it was awesome out there. later we ate lunch on the Illinois River and headed back to camp. In the evening we hiked this local fossil trail on the campgrounds.
(Me, Michael, Shane, and Reece out at Picnic point)
I just finished up my Chemistry exam which was my third to last final of the week. After my Civ Lit final on Thursday I will be free from academics till July. Still doesn't feel like summer yet due to some rainy conditions this past week, but warm weather is on it's way. I have to work pretty much everyday till Sunday then It's off to Oklahoma with 5 other Geology students and two professors for ten days.
I will be leaving Monday morning From Portsmouth and the first stop will be in Missouri for two days. From there we will be driving to Arkbuckle country, Oklahoma to spend six days camping out in the woods and doing field research. Still pretty unsure about all of the details and what not about the trip, but I'm pretty excited.
I am gonna try my best to wake up at 6:30 a.m. and get my run out of the way during the trip. It Should be a fun experience running on some the trails out there. Last week was my first week of summer training went perfect hitting 60 miles exactly. Oklahoma will be a big test to my dedication and after that it's smooth sailing. Time to kick up the feet and take it easy.
-BJW
The Dead Weather - Gasoline (new single off their album)
